Style.Com / W Magazine
(Click the thumbnail! I can't even put into words how grotesque it is full-size.)
I'm sorry, but this so-called "model" sort of, oh... terrifies me. Since when do "supermodels" look like frickin' circus freaks? I couldn't even believe how grossed out I was by this picture. I just sat there, staring at it, hoping it was my eyes playing tricks on me. But no. They actually saw this girl and thought "YES! THAT is the look I've been after! Ridiculous giraffe neck! Eyes 6 inches apart! Sinead O'Connor hair! Enormous super-manly jawbone! Buck teeth slightly hidden behind expressionless lips! Dull, moronic expression! Could it be? A lazy eye! By GOD we've found her!!! America's Next Top Model!!!"
I am disgusted with myself for actually wishing it was Paris Hilton on W's Web site rather than this frightening member of the llama family. I saw an alpaca at the county fair petting zoo that probably would have looked better. I mean, just LOOK at the expression on her face. It should be illegal for them to exploit the mentally retarded just because their photo shoots don't require as much cocaine as Kate Moss's.
Her eyes. They are so insanely far apart, she doesn't even HAVE a blind spot. You know how like owls have like 100% peripheral vision? And okay, her eyebrows are extremely thin, but that could just be the fault of an over-zealous salon attendant. STILL, you'd think they'd push back her W photo shoot till they filled back in a bit.
It's like her eyes follow me wherever I move. How is it possible that she's looking in two different directions, sneering, and seems to be struggling to breathe all at the same time?
I can't even start on her neck. All I want to say is that THIS is what we have come to. Everyone looks so damn alike now that the fashion industry has to resort to proclaiming that from now on, only mannish, mentally handicapped giraffe-slash-alpacas with no eyebrows are what is truly BEAUTIFUL. Welcome to the TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, ladies. Start tweezing.